Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
that's an acceptable place to lick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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