I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
