You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
