I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
