1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
