Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
