why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
