God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
