I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
