Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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