the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
