well you can't waste a boner
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
