I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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