this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
