Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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