Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
