i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
