Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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