I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
