she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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