porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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