dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
