ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
