Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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