What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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