STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
