Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
