from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
