my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
