oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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