Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
