Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
