I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
