God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
