the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
