my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
