I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
