I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
