what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
