Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
