if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
