i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
