I can tuck mytits in my pants
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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