I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
