Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
