I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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