The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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