i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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