She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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