if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
