who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She's JV to your varsity
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
