i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
