I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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